Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
