i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
if you like me you must not know who I am
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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