it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
