its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
