when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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