my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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