That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
