he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
