I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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