I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I need moral support for this bender
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
