Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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