I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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