What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
