i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
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