Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
