When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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