census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I need to calm my uterus...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
