I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
