Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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