I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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