I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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