Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
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