Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
