12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
