Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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