i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
