Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
