We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
