oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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