I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I need a beard to bite.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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