i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
