Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize