i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
