On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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