if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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