If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I got inside last night via doggy door
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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