Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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