this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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