I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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