ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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