So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
