i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
