I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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