high people should be assigned attendants
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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