So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
