I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
