Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
