If i come over, it means nothing
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
