I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
