i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
