i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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