that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
