his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
