He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
