so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
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