Someone shit on the floor
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
