ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
