Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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