is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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