I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
