On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
