Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
