that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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