Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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