The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
