if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize