if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
