Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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