"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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