This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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