I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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