You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
