I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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