I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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