Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
