I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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