Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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