last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
