they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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