Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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