Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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