If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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