At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
