I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
