Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
