So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
