My girlfriend figured out who you are.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
