Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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