I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
