well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
