If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
