Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
