theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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