his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
