okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
