so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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