Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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