I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
