just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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