i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
