i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
