i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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