A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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