When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
