Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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